so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
