I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
