If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
