When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
