i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
