real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
