I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
