There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
COCAINE IS GR8
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
