dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
