i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
