I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
