he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
