Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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