Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
