he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
