i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
