We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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