She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
