There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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