my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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