Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize