ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
