I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
