Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
