Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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