just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
