He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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