She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
