the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
