i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
