i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Bang-toberfest begins!!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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