I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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