today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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