I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
