Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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