I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He kissed a someone with a penis
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
