the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
