if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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