I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
being pregnant is like rehab
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize