I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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