is your mom at the bar?
we have officially lost it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
