I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
