Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Farmville is her only friend.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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