My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sober January is a disaster.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
