Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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