Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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