I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
