Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
