Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
