Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
