we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
