Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
