Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
