Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
