I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize