Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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