You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
