He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
