My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The feeling are messing with the penis
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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