I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
