im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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