I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She said her name was "party"
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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