there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
