I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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