I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
