Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
