Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
