Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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