i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
FUCK WHALES
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize