I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
