well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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