I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
