ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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