this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
