If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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