So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize