I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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