drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
