I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
