I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My liver just broke up with me...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize