I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
