She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
