Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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