I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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