He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
