so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
