Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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