so explain again why im purple
no
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
