I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
