Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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