apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize