what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
