Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
