walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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