I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
