why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
