I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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