So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Randomize
