Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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