I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
