there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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