If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
