when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
