I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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